ME, OF LITTLE FAITH

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've gone and fallen off the wagon.



This past week has seen me at a low I can only describe as concerning.

• Sleep... sweaty and fitful


• Gym... pshhht, what gym


• Diet... hahaha I laughed in the face of rationed portions (not to mention indulged numerous meat-eating endevours)

Falling off the wagon would however, imply I had actually gotten on and rode for a little bit. But one week of concerted effort does not, in my books at least, a wagon rider make.

In the grander scheme of things I think I just stepped aside and waved that wagon on its way.

THE ROMANTIC ICE AGE

When I was younger I used to 'steal' Days Of Our Lives since my parents didn't let me watch TV like that. For some reason I've always remembered how Bo used to romance Hope... then Carly, then Billy... then Hope again. I don't remember the actual things he did, but the idea of it is still pretty there.

Convoluted storylines aside, I decided that when I had grown up, the man vying for my affection would have to surprise me, wine me and dine me until I couldn't possibly resist him.

He would have to be... charming!

I have to laugh at that fantasy now, because at my ripe old age of X I have never been on any such date. Heck, I've never even been on a bad date!

What I secretly yearn for is the film cliché dinner-an-a-movie kind of date.

You know, where you really like the guy. You're insanely nervous as you get ready. He picks you up and takes you somewhere nice. You TALK (us girls really go for this bit. LOL). He brings you home (your own). He walks you to your door. And if you're lucky he gives you a delectable goodnight kiss. Mmm.

He is the perfect gentleman, and you...can't wait to see him again.

So how depressing is it, in this eff off beautiful city of Cape Town, where I'm surrounded by lovely young female friends (and I'm not just saying this because they're my friends), that in the 5 odd years I've known them, not 1, NOT 1, has been on a good old fashioned date! - Well, at least to my knowledge.

It's always "I checked his profile on Tagged", "He invited me on Facebook", "I get updates on Twitter", "He emoticonned on Mixit", "We text each other regularly".

God forbid, should anybody actually meet in person, dude has no car, his idea of dinner is the Mickey D's 'round the corner or a Shisa Nyama after payday and his vocabulary consists of words like "My Bebeza" and "Eish". By the time he takes you home, his over-inflated ego has decided it's going to score.

Should you turn into a wimp at midnight, feel sorry for le-Chap and concede a kiss in the hopes of hopes that he'll be able to redeem himself, he does the exact opposite.

Girlfriend, you find yourself assaulted by an inexperienced tongue which leaves you feeling like you're auditioning for the next episode of a particular SA soap opera I cannot mention.

I exaggerate, but it's been an on-going lament in my social circle, and I've got to make my point.

Last night a friend's despair hurt my sensibilities so bad... I had to seriously ask:

WHERE, ON THIS GOD GIVEN EARTH, HAVE ALL THE GENNLEMIN GONE TO!?!

It's like I'm living in a Romantic Ice Age, where men 'Holla at a girl'. Has everybody become sooo over the L word that taking a little effort to woo someone is no longer a necessary prelude to what could potentially be an amazing 'relationship'.

In my opinion, that's why a lot of chicks end up with men that turn out to be for shyte. Romance people! Romance!

In fact, I say screw romance.

In 2010 I want Bo-mance!

WHO DO I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH IN THIS TOWN?

Dang! A girl's gotta get some action already.

Yeah, not that kind of action, so get your head out the gutter quick! Sheesh!

I'm talking about getting my music made.

Come on, it's been a year and then some and I feel like I'm right back where I keep starting. To say I am frustrated would be an understatement of note! I've done moved way passed that F word.

I've made progess - if you would call a shyteload of lyrics, a few music producers who poof at the mention of my name, a green guitar and debt progress - then oh boy, baby have I made it. But... it's like I take 10 good steps forward before external forces push me 20 bad steps back!

Sometimes, when nobody's looking, I undulge in a little self pity (ok a whole lot) and image a peaceful life after I've thrown in the towel. Mmm, bliss!

However, giving up is of course NOT an option I can check. Besides, my loud mouth has told one person too many that I'ma be a star...I cannot back down now - for shame! But, lemme tell you, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

So today, even though I find myself back at the drawing board yet again, I shall not despair. No sir!

There's apsiration in me that shall suffice until I reach my promise land!

THE VERY BEGINNING

So many things to do and so little time! 11 days into the year and I'm almost in panic mode...uh oh!

It's funny how 2010 is geared up to be THE year when things are going to happen...for everybody...in the whole world- more so than any other year I've experienced.

So like the masses, I've read my horoscope, made my resolutions and I'm in it to win it. But let me tell you, the presure's mounting and I have total spaz out moments like every spilt second. What happens if there's not enough 'dream-come-true' dust to go around?

• What if I don't have what it takes to succeed in my endevours?
• What if I have to spend yet another year congratulating other folk on what they done did?

Honestly, I don't think I can hide that ever-growing green-eyed monster yet another year. Can sombody envy me this year...hu-llo?

So taking a step back and pulling myself towards myself, I made a list of what I'm going to do.

I actually made it to the gym this morning, I finally wrote the verses to that hook that's been running around my head, I edited a chapter to a book I've been writing since black in the day, I drank a sip of water (I swear I'm allergic to it) and I built up the courgage to type this blog.

A good start, and hopefully one I can keep up!

Here's to... (drumroll)...2010 and making it rain!