THE ROMANTIC ICE AGE

When I was younger I used to 'steal' Days Of Our Lives since my parents didn't let me watch TV like that. For some reason I've always remembered how Bo used to romance Hope... then Carly, then Billy... then Hope again. I don't remember the actual things he did, but the idea of it is still pretty there.

Convoluted storylines aside, I decided that when I had grown up, the man vying for my affection would have to surprise me, wine me and dine me until I couldn't possibly resist him.

He would have to be... charming!

I have to laugh at that fantasy now, because at my ripe old age of X I have never been on any such date. Heck, I've never even been on a bad date!

What I secretly yearn for is the film cliché dinner-an-a-movie kind of date.

You know, where you really like the guy. You're insanely nervous as you get ready. He picks you up and takes you somewhere nice. You TALK (us girls really go for this bit. LOL). He brings you home (your own). He walks you to your door. And if you're lucky he gives you a delectable goodnight kiss. Mmm.

He is the perfect gentleman, and you...can't wait to see him again.

So how depressing is it, in this eff off beautiful city of Cape Town, where I'm surrounded by lovely young female friends (and I'm not just saying this because they're my friends), that in the 5 odd years I've known them, not 1, NOT 1, has been on a good old fashioned date! - Well, at least to my knowledge.

It's always "I checked his profile on Tagged", "He invited me on Facebook", "I get updates on Twitter", "He emoticonned on Mixit", "We text each other regularly".

God forbid, should anybody actually meet in person, dude has no car, his idea of dinner is the Mickey D's 'round the corner or a Shisa Nyama after payday and his vocabulary consists of words like "My Bebeza" and "Eish". By the time he takes you home, his over-inflated ego has decided it's going to score.

Should you turn into a wimp at midnight, feel sorry for le-Chap and concede a kiss in the hopes of hopes that he'll be able to redeem himself, he does the exact opposite.

Girlfriend, you find yourself assaulted by an inexperienced tongue which leaves you feeling like you're auditioning for the next episode of a particular SA soap opera I cannot mention.

I exaggerate, but it's been an on-going lament in my social circle, and I've got to make my point.

Last night a friend's despair hurt my sensibilities so bad... I had to seriously ask:

WHERE, ON THIS GOD GIVEN EARTH, HAVE ALL THE GENNLEMIN GONE TO!?!

It's like I'm living in a Romantic Ice Age, where men 'Holla at a girl'. Has everybody become sooo over the L word that taking a little effort to woo someone is no longer a necessary prelude to what could potentially be an amazing 'relationship'.

In my opinion, that's why a lot of chicks end up with men that turn out to be for shyte. Romance people! Romance!

In fact, I say screw romance.

In 2010 I want Bo-mance!