AH...MEN

This ish is just too dang ridiculous… it’s got me bloggin like a demon on a Friday afternoon! **SMH**

I [after various glaringly obvious hintings from a couple of people in my social circle] decided that it was perhaps time to start entertaining gentlemen callers...

This was going to be fantastic, I thought. So I’d kiss a couple of frogs before my Prince Charming, swooped down to rescue me. He’d be tall, dark and dashing, sans white horse and shining amour… but a white Bentley and a shining Rolex perhaps? Oh, this was going to be a piece of cake!

Little did I know that the cake I was getting was a stupid-ass, crusty, tough, dodge old piece of cake! Hideous… to say the least. Let me explain:

1. Your stupidity does NOT endear me to you!

If you have a stupid thought - keep it to your damn self. I don’t want to be put in the awkward situation of having to tell that you’re stupid…and I will if I’m pushed…trust! When you say something stupid, I don’t think ‘Hehe, hey! Here’s a man with whom I’d like to spend the rest of my life’. NO! I think ‘Good lawd! This n*g*a just said some dumb-ass ish!’ And no amount of F-I-N-E fine is going to save your stupid ass…stupid does as stupid is!

2. Keep your crazy on lock-down!

If I’m in your flat… you’re half way there buddy! So… now would be a good time to take all the crazy you’ve been storing in yourself, and bury in some deep dark crevice where it won’t be able to come out and scare the crap out of me! It is not cute. I will think ‘OMG, he’s gonna give me crazy babies… and you can’t deny crazy babies. A crazy man you can say… I don’t know that fool – he crazy! But a crazy child – ain’t nothing on this planet you can do to get away from that! So, if you think it’s cool to be psychotic… don’t lemme know. S’cool. I’m good!

3. Buy airtime!

Minutes. Credit. Whatever you call it, GET IT! How you going to mack me with a Please Call me??? What kind of wack-ass game is that! I know folks been going through a hard time what with the recession and just bad money skills and all – shoot I even got to think twice before calling somebody. But when you see a girl, and you like her, or you just want to fiddle with her girlie bits… start saving if you have to… at least for a text!

4. If you like wrestling… STOP!

No grown man should like that ish! I have nothing more to say on the matter…well, I too have been sucked into the body-slamming world of the Undertaker. I’ve asked friends if they could smell what The Rock was cooking, but it was 1996 and I was 12. Now that I’m a registered tax payer… no more! I’m just saying.

Sheesh! Who would have thought… one month, a couple of dudes later and already I’m reeling from so much admin! It’s so hard out there single ladies… if these slim pickings are the norm... I might just ask my daddy to put me up for auction… bidding starts at 1 cow!

Anybody?

At all?