As I nom on a TV Bar (which incidentally is not a very nice chocolate in my opinion, but all I have) I count down the days until Monday and then Wednesday.
Monday is the day I return to the gym, start my new and improved meal plan and proceed to lose another 10 kilos for my next weigh in. It’s going to be tough! It’s going to be fantastic! I’m beside myself with anticipation. Imagine, me, looking forward to pain sparking through my muscles as I push through yet another minute on the elliptical machine. It’s a brand new day I tell you! A brand new day!
Wednesday is my performance – the second ever, and this time I would like to give more of a show. My first performance was good, because:
a) nobody had ever heard me sing before
b) I managed to get through a poem and a song with minimal audible mistakes
c) I was so nervous I’ve blocked it out
But I’d like to be more…well more! I want to be that singer where people say ‘WOW! Now there’s a girl with something. If she keeps it up, she’ll be a star.’
And then I look at a picture of said last performance. It really doesn’t conjure up any awe…of any level…whatsoever. The diva hall of fame closes it’s doors and tisk derisively just thinking about it! I. Look. Hideous. But more than that, I can see the confidence I lack in myself. It’s discouraging, but something I will have to work through.
I’m really trying to carve an image, but with the smut we rub our eyes in, I feel – well I know, I have a long way to go!
I don’t want to be relegated to the sad Fatties Corner of ‘great singers’ or ‘jazz legends’ yet I don’t know how to console myself with the fact that I’ll never really be in the mediocre ‘talentless but hot’ stable either.
If I could, I would belt like J-Hud AND have the ‘bootylicous’ bod of Bey-Bey but alas, neither is my fate. I have to be happy with what the man upstairs bestowed upon me – but it makes me wonder: WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?!
How could He have sprinkled this need in me, and then made the means and ends so seemingly insurmountable? I guess it’s an answer I’ll only ever get when I march through the pearly gates and ask the main man Himself.
Until then, I’ll just have to keep on keeping on. Hopefully, since I’m aiming for the moon, the stars I land in will be tote-awes-spesh!
Monday is the day I return to the gym, start my new and improved meal plan and proceed to lose another 10 kilos for my next weigh in. It’s going to be tough! It’s going to be fantastic! I’m beside myself with anticipation. Imagine, me, looking forward to pain sparking through my muscles as I push through yet another minute on the elliptical machine. It’s a brand new day I tell you! A brand new day!
Wednesday is my performance – the second ever, and this time I would like to give more of a show. My first performance was good, because:
a) nobody had ever heard me sing before
b) I managed to get through a poem and a song with minimal audible mistakes
c) I was so nervous I’ve blocked it out
But I’d like to be more…well more! I want to be that singer where people say ‘WOW! Now there’s a girl with something. If she keeps it up, she’ll be a star.’
And then I look at a picture of said last performance. It really doesn’t conjure up any awe…of any level…whatsoever. The diva hall of fame closes it’s doors and tisk derisively just thinking about it! I. Look. Hideous. But more than that, I can see the confidence I lack in myself. It’s discouraging, but something I will have to work through.
I’m really trying to carve an image, but with the smut we rub our eyes in, I feel – well I know, I have a long way to go!
I don’t want to be relegated to the sad Fatties Corner of ‘great singers’ or ‘jazz legends’ yet I don’t know how to console myself with the fact that I’ll never really be in the mediocre ‘talentless but hot’ stable either.
If I could, I would belt like J-Hud AND have the ‘bootylicous’ bod of Bey-Bey but alas, neither is my fate. I have to be happy with what the man upstairs bestowed upon me – but it makes me wonder: WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?!
How could He have sprinkled this need in me, and then made the means and ends so seemingly insurmountable? I guess it’s an answer I’ll only ever get when I march through the pearly gates and ask the main man Himself.
Until then, I’ll just have to keep on keeping on. Hopefully, since I’m aiming for the moon, the stars I land in will be tote-awes-spesh!
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